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Wrap Your Ass in Fiberglass – A Novel by George Miller

A government attorney becomes romantically involved with the opposing counsel when he attempts to terminate a disgruntled employee. John McDowell is a lost and hopeless lifer, relegated to a gray metal desk in the L Street Annex of the Bureau of Regulation where he administers employee relation cases. The manager of the Bureau's Information Branch, Henry Billotte, has suffered a nervous breakdown, quit his post, and become a street vendor. Henry Billotte's crime against humanity is a hot dog stand parked on the Bureau's 100th anniversary plaque dead-center in Regulatory Square. John McDowell is to apply any and all means to remove the blight from the portals of the Bureau. Billotte's claim for psychiatric disability is represented by Jackie Cessna, a chronic conversationalist and a worsted wool lawyer on the make. She needs material for her firm's Friday evening wine and cheese party. On Thursday morning she has nothing. She desperately needs to swagger up to the tweed lawyers gathered around the quarter-keg and top their tired-old, skirt-chasing braggadocio.

The story moves fast. Jackie straps John into the passenger seat of her Sunbeam Tiger and screeches out of the Union Station parking lot. "Two days later, after a sixty-five mile tear across the Maryland countryside, after four boilermakers, a wok of soft shell crabs, a few laps around the conference table, an up-county pig roast, a western omelet folded over a bed of Tater Tots, a reenactment of the Battle of Battery Bluff, a make-up mirror of energy crystals, an impromptu meet-the-family with John's two daughters, and two buckets of hot and sassy Chicken Delight, Jackie has sufficient braggadocio for a dozen wine and cheese parties."

George Miller © 2009

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